2.12.18

Red cherry romance
Red cherry realm
Red, I’m really ready
to ravish your realm.
I hold you by the stem
myself I overwhelm
I try not to taste
this ruby red gem:
Red gem,
Red berry,
Red blissful Cherry,
I say one thing
and mean the contrary.

So, tell me would it be a total waste,
to not divulge
in a little taste?
To not sink teeth into
Flesh I’ve known:
a flesh much sweeter
than my own
A flesh so ripe
holds nothing too new-
just a Red that is red
after a season so blue.

-the waiting game

2017

I know I’m a little late, considering it is the second week of 2018, but I thought I would take some time to reflect on 2017. (To those of you only visiting for the poetry, I would suggest you skip this post entirely.) Welcome to my annual overview!

Travel of 2017:
Gujarat, India
Ghaziabad, India
NYC
The Bahamas
Orlando, Florida
Crystal River, Florida
Atlanta, Georgia
El Paso, Texas
Orlando again
NYC once more
Wayne, New Jersey

Firsts of 2017:
First cruise
First legal drink
First apartment
First casino
First time co-leading a Freedom group
First time leading a Freedom group

Live music of 2017:
Bad suns, Coin (3 times), B.o.B., Colony house, Knox Hamilton, Hillsong, Jesus culture, Passion, Lecrae, Elevation Worship, Oh wonder (2 times), Jaymes Young, Jordy Searcy, Dua Lipa, Pvris, Tove Lo, Big Sean, Bruno Mars, Blink 182, Judah & the Lion, Zara Larsson, Two Door Cinema, Bastille, Future, Mumford & Sons, Joseph, Liza Anne, Johnnyswim

Other things worth mentioning include: 
I had the opportunity to be a Merge leader to the greatest girlies.
I participated in 21 Days of Prayer.
I attended Music Midtown with some rad people.
I got to be a part of many, many amazing small groups.
And I witnessed the birth and growth of our very own COTH’s Montgomery Campus.

Aaaand, that’s pretty much it! This year was my busiest and most adventurous year yet. It was a time for extremes and the best memories I’ve ever had. I’ll be honest and say that it was not all extraordinary. Despite every exciting expedition, this year was also the toughest year of my life. I had to overcome a lot of trials and pain this year. The pain made it really easy to stay in bed with no intention of getting up. Unfortunately, you can’t make many memories when you shut people out and refuse to leave your bedroom. But, to those of you who know me, I cannot stay still for long. (The proof is in my 2017.) I give no credit to myself, but to my dearest friends who took on the craziest days of my life with me. I have never experienced sweeter friendships than the ones I had this year. I was forced to be vulnerable way past my comfort zone, but that’s exactly what I needed. (Plus, God never intended for us to struggle on our own: Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, James 5:16.)

Amongst every revelation and heartache of 2017, I turned everything into art. By “everything”, I mean everything- especially the things I never thought I would share with anyone. This year gave me the best thing it could have: a newfound courage. Don’t worry, I won’t keep any of it hostage much longer. It’ll be yours in 2018. All of it.

Thank you to my friends, family, and accountability partners who supported me and encouraged me constantly throughout this year. I could never repay you, but just know that I love you so much more than a poem could ever say.

To everyone who was in one of my Freedom groups this year: you will always have someone rooting and praying for you. I love you with my whole heart. Thank you for letting me be a part of your walk; I’ll treasure that forever.

So here’s to an even MORE extraordinary year for friendships, family, and fellowship. Here’s to attending “too many” concerts, making art that needs to be heard, traveling with the best people, and growing the Kingdom as much as possible! (And maybe even doing my annual overview on time this year.)

12.05.17

Here it is Tuesday, December 5th,
perhaps it is where you are too.
Lately I’m not where you are.
I haven’t been paying much attention to calendar dates
or what time my head meets my pillow each night.
I say “Goodnight” but
I can’t claim I sleep at night-
unless night is just another word
for the start of an early-riser’s day.
You see,
I’ve been sleeping at 5am
and I only know this because you
have been too.
As far as I know we are together,
unless I know nothing.
But, if I know that I know nothing: that is still knowing something.
I know it’s raining outside
and you love the rain;
I wonder if you
love me like I love the rain.
If we were together 
I’d ask.

-paradox is your favorite word, right?

12.03.17

For the last few months
lay a yellow glass lantern
broken in the corner of my bathroom.
People seem to throw away glass once it shatters.
Something, once whole,
now far too broken to piece back together-
but we don’t throw away broken people,
…unless we do?
I realize this is a faulty comparison.
What could I do with a lantern
that could no longer fulfill its purpose-
one that could no longer hold
Light?
There isn’t a chance for restoration-
Unlike a human. 
Scratch that metaphor. 
Perhaps
I will look at the glass as a reminder that
Things break.
Whether I decide to keep the glass or toss it,
I cannot bring it back to what it was.
I can see it, I can touch it,
I can let the shards shred my skin if I wish…
Or,
I can recognize what was 
and make room for the next lantern to come.

-I have a problem of making everything into a metaphor.

11.02.17

At least I mean what I say when I write.
You don’t write; you speak.
You speak rather eloquently,
But what does that mean
Since you don’t seem to mean what
You say?
I hold onto your words
That aren’t on pages
Until my pen makes each one eternal that night.
I linger and rest in the eloquence,
But we both know I shouldn’t.
For I am someone who likes words,
And you just talk so damn well.
Maybe you’re afraid you can’t interpolate your words on paper.
However, you can do that with the ones you’ve spoken;
I shouldn’t have been surprised when you did.

-After all, your spoken words were written by me.